Let's hope the game is as good as last year's or we'll have to switch to alternate programming.
And no, Michael Vick isn't producing this match, you sickos.
Editor's Note: Don't forget the cats at halftime, Tinkerbell.-JR
Friday, January 30, 2009
Super Bowl Sunday: Puppy Love?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Just Beat It! Deviant Desires On Ice!
My, my, my ... what kind question is this? I mean, is this Three's Company or what? The dirty slip-up "comes" about 39 seconds in. Disgusting!
American Tabloid loves NHL hockey, but this may have crossed the line. Now go have another donut you fat pig!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Foot Of Pride?
Best New Commercial We've Seen!
Although we do like that Coors "venting" commercial, this one is better. Where do I sign up?
60-Something Going On 25? Pass The HGH!
Editor's Note: Was the picture above taken at the Wax Museum or is that really the Governator?-JR
Monday, January 26, 2009
Have A Cigar, You're Gonna Go Far! Which One's Pink?
On this day - 1998.
Don't Bogart that Cigar, Willy!
Take It Easy, Tommy Boy - We'll Get Them Next Season!
AT fantasy football member, Tom Brady, hard at work rehabbing that knee for next season.
Rama-Dama-Ding-Dong!
The Ram, for real?
We here at American Tabloid don't like to count the chickens before they hatch ... but .... hell ya!!!!
Seems our boy Mickey is gonna open the proverbial can-o-whoop-ass on some jabroni at WrestleMania. With Rowdy Roddy Piper? Please, God, grant us this prayer!
We might have to go see it live as we did in 1985 when we sat in the Providence Civic Center and paid $22 bucks to watch the original WrestleMania on closed circuit jumbo-tron.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Color Me Badd? I Want To Sex (Then Blow) You Up!
American Tabloid wonders where we house all the bad guys now? Will they go to Crawford, Texas? How about Hyde Park in Chicago? Maybe Billy Ayers can take them in and compare notes.
Ridiculous! We bet all the politicians who are beating the drum loudest for the closing would suffer an acute case of NIMBY if they were moved to their districts.
Seems Saudi Arabia has also embraced change and started a new way to rehabilitate Hajji with finger paints! God help us all.
Editor's Note: Speaker Pelosi, is Alcatraz available? Wondering.- JR
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Blame It On The Rain? You Know It's True.
Yo! Yo! Yo!
Ya, Yo-Yo and Company, you've been exposed!
Seems the musicians at the coronation ... er .. inauguration, were "playing" to taped music.
Hope they don't take a bottle of pills to kill the pain, like Rob did. Word.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
You've Got Mail ... And A STD!
San Francisco is always on the cutting edge. Now you can drop the bomb via your blackberry! Damn.
Memo to self: cancel anonymous yahoo account. Pronto.
The Iceman Cometh? I Am The Lizard King, I Can Do Anything!
We give our immediate endorsement based on Oliver Stone's The Doors. We'll be your huckabee, just pass the peyote.
No comment yet from Dr. Moreau or Lt. Vincent Hanna.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
American Tabloid: Inauguration Update; Poem Was Pretty Moving.
We here at AT were moved by El Presidente's including a poet in the official ceremony today.
Cynics by nature, we felt that the words of the poem really captured the mood of the times. Too bad Bukowski wasn't still around. That would be cool.
Flub-A-Dub; Was Daniel Simpson Day Not Available?
American Tabloid hopes they can clean up the mix-ups in post-production ... you know, for the History Channel.
We haven't seen a swearing in this awkward since Faber College, 1962.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sit On It, Fonz!
Seems Herr Dickey C will be taking the transition of power sitting down. No word yet if animals have been bred and slaughtered for the inauguration ball feast.
Damn, You Is Dumb! No Love From The Cheesesteak Today.
The Eagles fail again and Liberty City is back to it's losing ways. Not to pile on the City of Brotherly Love, but the AT staff got a morning chuckle at their expense.
Seem the kind folks at Burger King in Philadelphia have a message for the public.
Have it your way? You'll get nothing and like it! Go Flyers.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
American Tabloid: Cuts Like A Knife, But It Feels So Right!
Ouch! Why did you just stab me in the brain, Crocodile Dundee? American Tabloid never brings a knife to a gunfight! That's the Chicago way, puta!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Love In The Rectory?
No doubt here, American Tabloid loves the film Doubt! Why it isn't getting more academy buzz puzzles us here at headquarters.
We still can't decide if Father Flynn is innocent or if he was fiddling about. Two thumbs up .... er ... that's not appropriate.
We recommend.
Another One Bites The Dust (Sort Of).
While American Tabloid hasn't really listened to terrestrial (free) radio for about 8 years now - we switched to XM Satellite early - we were bummed that another great Los Angeles radio station bit the big one.
Indie 103.1 goes off the air and onto the internet(s).
AT would listen afternoons to hear DJ Steven Jones (Sex Pistols) and who he had on - often cool guests who would play what they liked. No word if he's going online. Oh well.
Carry on.
Editor's Note: Hey, I had that boombox! Those Rush cassettes sounded bitchin through those speakers.-JR
Thursday, January 15, 2009
We Told You So!
Mysterious rock placements? Coincidence? Ya, Right!
The cover up will be exposed this week as NASA will come clean about life on the red planet. American Tabloid will be the first to book a seat on the rocket for a tour of the pyramids.
Nanu, Nanu, motherfuckers!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Super Dump? Tampa Tackles Terror Turd Travesty!
We hope that this problem is solved before Super Bowl Sunday! This felonious fecal flinging fool must be captured, asap!
Beck-Ola!
Congrats to Jeff Beck for making the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame.
Here's a little clip for a friend who loves post-Smiler Rod Stewart. From RS's classic 1984 album, Camouflage, a little ditty with Beck on guitar.
Editor's Note: Rod's got some pretty sweet moves in this video.-JR
Change? Meet The New (World Order) Boss, Same As The Old Boss!
Hope and change, right?
Well, he paid them right before he was nominated. We the People wouldn't want the Main Tax Crook taking charge with an outstanding debt, would we? Ridiculous!
American Tabloid will give him a pass on the illegal housekeeper issue because we have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on the woman who cleans headquarters.
It's money that matters, chumps. Carry on.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Every Inch Of My Love?
Today In 1969:
Get the Led out! Zeppelin releases it's debut album. AT wonders if we will ever get to the Bonham ... er ... bottom of that "fish tale".
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It Just Won't Go Away; What A Tangled Web We Weave.
The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Robert Vaughn, spills the beans on Jackie-O, the Greek, RFK and the Programmed Patsy.
Even more intrigue and deception? Like a onion, you peel back the skin to find another layer. AT's head spins when we try to flow chart the whole scenario.
Operation Mongoose is a go.
A Plea For Sanity - Put Rice and The Hawk In!
Growing up in New England in the mid-seventies, AT loved Big Jim Ed Rice - the Big Pappi of his day.
The case for Rice in the Hall of Fame.
Although Andre Dawson came to Boston on the downslope of his career, we know he belongs too and we hope the writers do the right thing this Monday.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
American Tabloid: Trouble In Paradise? D+D Breaking News!
Seems Hasbro is having some tech support issues with their "Dungeons & Dragons Insider" service.
Fellow nerds can't cancel their memberships in a timely fashion. I don't recall a section in The Player's Handbook or Dungeon Master's Guide for this problem.
The real question is, "Why would you ever want to cancel?" The next time you are chopped up by a troll or goblin, you're gonna wish you shelled out those extra gold pieces. The Keep on the Borderland, indeed!
Editor's Note: Tuco, your posts are quickly becoming the D+D of the blogosphere.-JR
Friday, January 9, 2009
In The Land Of The Blind, The One Eyed Man Is King.
Don't mess with Texas ... or Texan death row prisoners for that matter.
Yikes, this is one fucked up dude! Aye Aye, Captain.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
This Is My Rifle, This Is My Gun ... This Is For Fighting, This Is For Fun!
Holy shit, we love youtube! What did we ever do before "internets" bloopers? Volume is low, so turn it up and listen closely as this Deputy Dawg gets his freaky frisk on.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Won't You Be My Girl?
A booty bandit is on the roam, breaking into sex stores, having his way with the rubber replicas then discarding them behind the shops.
Pump (up) and dump, indeed.
What a pig! At least he could take them for pancakes after the dirty deed. That's the Tuco way.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
American Tabloid To The CIA: Forget The M-16, Pass The Raid!
American Tabloid says, "Bring 'em on!", as our headquarters are already occupied by a division of Arachnids and Myriapodas. The bugs are taking over!
Editor's Note: What's the matter, Mr. Pratt, bugs got your tongue?-JR
Monday, January 5, 2009
Chinaski Vs. Spicoli? Say it Ain't So!
American Tabloid never trusted Gerald Posner after he tried to debunk the JFK hit in Dallas, but his latest blog post may be legit.
Please don't make us takes sides. "To all my friends!" and "Hey, Bud, let's party!" are two of our favorite battle cries.
By the way, which was worse - Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man or I Am Sam?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Who Watches The Watchmen?
You - on the "internets".
Can't wait for the live action movie this year? Well, this should hold you over. Kind of a "animated comic" version. Pretty cool.
American Tabloid is pumped up for the real deal. Director Zack Snyder earns AT's highest ratings with his Dawn of the Dead remake and 300.
Although, we hope this "tranny" version of Laurie doesn't make the film.
WWDHD? (What Would Dirty Harry Do?) Stop Pulling My Leg - Or Finger - On This One!
Seems to be a crime to these days to fan your flatulence at an officer of the law. Accrording to the report, Jose may have devoured too many Coronas and chimichangas - always a toxic mix.
American Tabloid's mantra? "Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot!"
Anyone got a match?
Editor's Note - Take some Beano for Christ's sake!-JR
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy Birthday Eddie!
Scanning birthdays today we see that AT's favorite degenerate, J. Edgar Hoover was born today. In his honor, we present you a clip from Nixon, Oliver Stone's unrecognized classic.
While we couldn't find the exact scene we wanted to showcase, this one surprised us how it gave us everything that we love in Oliver Stone films - flashbacks, cutaways, implied deviancy, hints of conspiracy and paranoia, blurred history - all in five minutes.
Bonus - reminds us how much better Hopkins is as Nixon than say .... Langella in Frost/Nixon.
Bob Hoskins as JEH. Enjoy.
New Years Day: Here We Go Again!
Happy New Year's Day, animals. Are you bloodshot and hung over?
AT laid low last night, so we're full of energy. Couldn't find the motivation to troll the local bar for companionship last night - we read a book and retired early.
Resolutions? Hell No! Those are for suckers.
Editor's Note - How about resolving to update this piece of crap more often?-JR
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